This blog is created to encourage, equip and build up young people to ensure that they know their worth.
It is also a beneficial aid for those who support them.
Natalie Tomlinson expertly delivers motivational speaking which is not only motivational and informative, but leaves people attending her seminars feeling extremely empowered and enlightened.
Workshops facilitated by Natalie are highly informative and very interactive.
Natalie's passion for teaching young ladies & men to value and respect their true worth and covering topics that many professionals tend to avoid, means that not only do participants find her workshops and seminars extremely engaging, but also very thought provoking.
Natalie uses valuable information and eye-opening stories about today's youth and their culture to show them how to succeed in life. Young people will learn the importance of having self-respect and how to boost their own self-esteem. They'll walk away with a new attitude and the sense that no matter what their past, it's not too late to make positive changes.
Let's face it... Not everybody has the best relationship with their parent. I am blessed to have a great one with my mum, but that's because of the terrible one that she had with hers - she was determined to make sure that I never felt the way that she did.
However, I have never felt loved by my biological father and for many years I felt rejected by him. I used to think that there must have been something wrong with me, but now I just think that he has missed out on a relationship with an awesome daughter!
There are times when I have had to hold young people while they are crying, because they feel so unloved and it breaks my heart. I once supported a young man whose mother could barely look at him because he looked so much like his father, who she hated. That young man found it so hard to love himself.
I have come across people who were born conceived from a rape and their mothers have found it really difficult to love them, because they are a constant reminder of what happened to them.
Just because your parent may have found it difficult to love you, does not mean that you are unlovable. Maybe they have not experienced love themselves or have been through a traumatic experience. Maybe they don't even love themselves.
Maybe you were brought up by Foster Carers and feel rejected.
No matter what the situation is, you are still precious. You are still valuable. You are still worth someone's time. You are still beautiful. You are still worthy of love.
The next time that you think to yourself "If my own parent can't love me, who can?", answer yourself with "I can!"
Have you ever felt alone?... Left aside?
Well to be honest I have felt like nobody cares about me and that the whole world is against me.
You must be thinking what am I talking about? Well I'm talking about not having one of the best relationships with your mother. I could probably say I've got it better than others. My relationship with my mother isn't the best one. It's the worst sometimes I just feel like I should end everything now because no one's cares if I'm gone. I feel like my whole family is against me. I feel like my mother hates me, like I'm not worth to be on this earth. I felt like rubbish I felt like I couldn't talk to someone and if I did I felt like they would tell the EVERYONE and they just want to know my life story.
To be honest my relationship is messed up. My mother is one of those mothers who can't sit down and listen to their child and understand them or doesn't care and always breaks their promise. I feel like I have to be the bigger person at the age of 13! Honestly, all I wish for is my mother to love and hug me and say that she loves me, but when she says it, honestly it doesn't feel real or right it's like someone from the street saying "oh, hi I love you". I feel like my life is a joke. One thing that I know that has just destroyed me and my mums relationship is probably my so called "Step Dad". I can't handle another man and destroying my family. I have to take control and handle everything. Since he walked through that door I've always disliked him. Who wants a man in the house that sleeps on his arse all day and does nothing?
But another reason that me and my mum don't work is because I don't have a dad.
I could never be like "Hi dad how was your day?" just knowing I can't
say that but my other brothers and sister can is just AMAZING! One thing I really dislike is people say "oh, I had an argument with my dad"... "I hate him"... "he never lets me do anything"... "I wish I didn't know him". Honestly they don't know how that feels. I would love to have an argument with my "Dad. Honestly I know I'm blessed to have my mum standing next to me but it doesn't feel like that. It feels like she's not even there and when she says on "I'm sorry" its just another lie. A lie that I hate but life goes on. Sometimes I just want to run thousands of miles aways and just be left alone and start a new life of my own.. Even though my mum doesn't support me through anything I still have to believe that I can get far in life I can't be there putting myself down even though she calls me names that you would never really expect a mother to call her child "Slut...Sket... I HATE you... I wish you wasn't born" after my own flesh and blood said that to me I would be like that's what you think of me all I want is some attention. Most of the time I would just cry myself to sleep, scared to open my eyes again. Looking the same woman again and again. I just wish that sometimes my eyes would never
open and wonder when will this end...those words hurt but after so many years of that I say enough is enough. But one thing that surprised me was that my mother thought of me like that. She thinks I'm going to be pregant at 16. It hurts to know my mother thinks I would do something like that. That is one of the things that really broke me and put my self esteem down but I couldn't let anything like that get to me after her saying stuff like that to me I would be saying to my self "you are special and one of a kind and you are not what other people think.. all that matters is you right now.. so carry on and keep calm"
I am beautiful in my own way. I am special and I mean
something! I shouldn't care what other people think." Every daughter/son that has a horrible
relationship with their parents just remember you was put on this earth for a reason and just believe in your self.
Trust me you will get somewhere, that's a promise. All you have to do is try. Maybe you have made mistakes but you can still get pass that.
If you don't show your child that you love them, at least tell them so that they know that you do!
Are you living in a world of fantasy?
I've always wanted a good relationship with my mum but, I guess I was living a dream. A fairy tale.
To be honest with you I haven't really had the best relationship with my mum. Growing up not knowing my dad. It felt like I was worthless.
Being a child who feels unwanted by my mum and people around me, makes me think sometimes, am I pretty and feeling that I'm unwanted that I was never meant to be born or am I a mistake? Hearing this from everyone I thought cared for me made me believe it.
My expectations for me and my mum's relationship were high but I was just living in a world of fantasy. I'm not saying my mum’s a bad mum but she doesn't treat me how she treats her other children, she doesn't make me feel happy.
Hearing the person who bought you up in this world calling you and being told you're "fat" and "ugly" and "why did I have to have you?"," a dirty lesbian "and an "attention seeker makes me wonder did she have me by accident. Like did she really want me to be in her life? I don't think so? When I tell my mum how bad and scared I feel she doesn't care.
For the past few years my mum’s given me a roof to live under, food to eat, I thought she was doing it just to reassure people that she wasn't a bad mother but the thing that I'm missing is the love and affection that a mother should give a daughter.
When I try and tell my mum the things that I'm going through it seems she doesn't care she tells me to ignore.
Now I'm in 2014 I understand that my mum does things for a reason because she's gone through a lot and I guess she doesn't want me to follow in her footsteps.
Mum, if your reading this I just want you to know that I don't hate you, I just dislike your actions, the way you treat me the way you make me feel that if I wasn't in this world it would be best for me and you. Last but not least I just want you to love me. I just want you to hug me like everyone else’s mother does. Why don’t you?
Mum, you treat me like rubbish, I can't handle it anymore. There’s only so much words and hate. I can't handle it anymore. Why can't you put yourself in my footsteps? When I was 13 I didn't love myself and I believe everyone’s words and it made me even try to commit suicide.
When I came to my new school I would never ever be close to someone. I used to push away people.
To the person I pushed away I'm so sorry, it was like I had a barrier up telling me to "not get close to anyone, cause all they'll do is hurt you", you know who you are.
I see the way one of my best friends mums treats them. It makes me feel upset thinking "I wish that was me" but I guess not everyone is going to have a good relationship with their mum. But what you have to do is keep your head high because everyone can achieve things in spite of their parents.
But I'm happy to be here because I know that I would be crying in sorrow. I just want to thank Miss Natalie for helping me to love myself, because you have to love yourself before others love you.
Every word, facial expression, gesture, or action on the part of a parent gives the child some message about self-worth.
It is sad that so many parents don't realize what messages
they are sending.
~ Virginia Satir
I asked my mother to share her own personal experience and this is what she wrote:
You can succeed in spite of your parents/background.
I remember arriving in England at the age of 9 with my younger sister and my parents meeting us at the airport. My father came and greeted us and my mother just stood there. I don't remember if she even looked at us. All I recall is the rejection I felt and from that moment all I wanted to do was go back to Jamaica to my paternal grandparents who loved us. I remember going to this house which I hated and felt so lonely I just wanted to go back home. It was clear to me that my mother did not want me. (At this point I was only thinking of myself) I don't know how my sister felt. I just knew that this woman who was supposed to be my mother did not want me. She had a new family, my younger brother and sister and I felt as though my sister and I were only here to be used as her slaves.
I could never do anything to please her. Anything that went wrong was always my fault, and I was called the most awful names by her. I hated every moment of my life except when I was at school. I loved school, it was my escape and I'm still amazed that I achieved anything considering my home life.
My mother always told me I was no good, I would never amount to anything and all I was good for was to work in a factory. My parents never attended any parent's evenings, and my mother never showed any interest in anything I did. There was no one to turn to and I felt locked in a prison at home, spending all my time in my room reading. My mother would come and turn off the lights and I would sit by the window and use the street light to read by, ruining my eyesight in the process. I shared the room with my sister, but she would always be with our younger brother and sister in the front room. If we overslept my mother would come and throw a bowl of cold water over us. I started to really hate this woman and wondered if she was really my mother or if my father had me with someone else and she was forced to keep me against her will. Where was my father in all this? He was right there all the time and did nothing to stop her from harming us. I now realise he was a weak man and vowed I would never marry anyone remotely like him. I thought the only thing that would make her happy would be if I died. When she would beat me (too often) she would kneel on my chest and used anything to beat me. I was convinced she was a monster full of hate and I kept asking myself what I did to make her hate me so much. The problem with being told you're worthless etc is that after a while you begin to believe it, your self esteem is damaged and you feel that you're no good.
I used to say to myself that if my mother does not love me how could anyone else. The trouble is you are so messed up that you actually say these things to yourself but keep looking for love in the wrong places. Everyone needs to be loved, accepted and valued, we need our parents, our primary care giver to provide and instil these in us. Unfortunately, too many parents are incapable of doing this for many reasons. We can't choose our families, trust me if I could I would choose an entirely different one, but not knowing the future I might end up with even worse than I had. I had always wanted to return to my grandparents in Jamaica and when they died my hopes and dreams crashed. When my father who I now say is a useless person went to the funeral my mother told me to leave. There was no more hope and I wanted to die, not because I was told to leave but because there was now no one and no hope. I felt dying was preferable to living. I tried several times and different ways to end my life (I'm not going to say what they are) Nothing worked and I started arguing with God, "It's not fair; it's my life I should be able to end it if I want". I thought I was the only one in this situation and kept it all to myself, I now know better; far too many people were going through the same thing and are still suffering today. Some of them never got any help and ended up with children they are ill equipped to care for and so the cycle of abuse and neglect continues. Thank God there is hope.
My life changed for me when I became a Christian in many positive ways but I still had all my low self esteem, always feeling everyone else was better than me and I could not do anything. I was always praying to God and I remember promising Him that if he took away the hurt and pain I would go anywhere he wanted to bring the good news to others to help them to see they are valuable and worthwhile. I read in the psalms this verse, Can a mothers tender care, cease towards the child she bears? Yes, she may forgetful be, yet will I remember thee. This verse answered my question, as I couldn't understand how someone could give birth to a child and not love and care for them. Psalm 139: 1 – 18 is the bible verses that I use continually, as it teaches me of God's thoughts about me. Whatever you buy comes with a user manual, yet many people don't read the manual (Bible) that teaches them how to raise children. The most important role in life is giving birth and raising a well rounded human being.
The good news is that you don't have to suffer in silence; there is help and hope for you. You need to know that you are valuable, you have a purpose, and you are not a mistake whatever you may have been told. You are unique; one of a kind, no one else is exactly like you. You have a purpose that only you can achieve, don't make your parents lack of love and care for you hold you back. You can be anything you want to be. You can succeed in spite of your parents or your background. The only person that can hold you back is YOU. If you're in this situation now, all this can seem too much to accept, but there is hope and light at the end of the tunnel. You don't have to accept other people's opinion of you, you don't have to accept their limitations, be your unique self, you owe it to yourself to discover the real you with all your gifts and talents and use them to your best ability.
DO NOT COMPARE YOURSELF WITH OTHERS. It's a recipe for failure. You're not meant to be anyone else, you're meant to be the best you that you can be. God created a masterpiece when He created you. He decided on your personality, gave you your own gifts and abilities and loves you more than you can ever imagine. HE does not make mistakes. Therefore you can't possibly be a mistake. Remember making a mistake doesn't make you a mistake and failing at something doesn't make you a failure. Don't buy into that lie, whoever told you that is wrong. It's a lie of the devil.
There will never be another YOU.
~ Beverley Tomlinson
Parents, I am encouraging you to make extra time for not only your own children this week, but those who need to experience a parents love, to see what is going on in their lives that you can support them with.
To those who don't have the best relationship with their own parents. I encourage you to find someone who you can talk to about the things that concern you.
If there are any apologies that need to be made, please do them right away. We are not promised tomorrow, so let's not take anything for granted.
If you have a friend who is feeling unloved, encourage them to read this and be there for them.
Have a blessed and productive week!
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