This blog is created to encourage, equip and build up young people to ensure that they know their worth.
It is also a beneficial aid for those who support them.
Natalie Tomlinson expertly delivers motivational speaking which is not only motivational and informative, but leaves people attending her seminars feeling extremely empowered and enlightened.
Workshops facilitated by Natalie are highly informative and very interactive.
Natalie's passion for teaching young ladies & men to value and respect their true worth and covering topics that many professionals tend to avoid, means that not only do participants find her workshops and seminars extremely engaging, but also very thought provoking.
Natalie uses valuable information and eye-opening stories about today's youth and their culture to show them how to succeed in life. Young people will learn the importance of having self-respect and how to boost their own self-esteem. They'll walk away with a new attitude and the sense that no matter what their past, it's not too late to make positive changes.
The reality is that when you choose not to forgive someone, it can affect you physically as well as mentally. Unforgiveness is often described as a cancer eating away at you.
It is important that we recognise that making the decision to forgive someone of something is NOT a weakness, but a strength!
I acknowledge that
there are some extremely difficult circumstances that would make some people cringe at the very thought of forgiveness, such as rape, rejection, murder etc. However, holding on to the wrongs that
have been done to us does not help us to move forward. To those that have experienced such things, I do not seek to belittle the pain you have suffered, but want you to be able to move forward to a
much better future.
It took me MANY years to forgive some people of things. But because I want to live as peaceful a life as possible, I knew I had to make the decision to forgive. I say "decision" because I sure didn't "feel" like it! I wasted a lot of years being angry, bitter, cold etc. To the point where my daughter wasn't able to get the best of me. So really, who suffered most? The people that hurt me or me and her?
It is my faith in God
that helped me to forgive. That sure didn't come naturally! However, I don't believe in the saying "forgive and forget". I view myself as an intelligent woman and therefore will not, knowingly, put
myself in the same position again. i.e, if you steal from me, I will not invite you to my home where you can steal more from me. I can eventually forgive you and not hold onto the hurt I once felt,
but I will never forget what you done to me!
Forgiveness is a HUGE thing because the opposite of it is "revenge" and this is what so many young people are getting caught up in.
I heard this saying a lot when I was younger, "when you dig a pit for someone, dig two". This means that you should dig the other one for yourself also, because you, too, will be affected.
Make a list of all the names of people that you believe have wronged you and what they did. Acknowledge what happened and that they hurt you. Then make a commitment to yourself to do whatever you need to do to feel better and move forward.
Experience has taught me that sometimes you have to make the decision to forgive even without an apology or acknowledgement from those who have hurt you. Working with young people leaves a lot of room to be taken advantage of and, if you’re a very sensitive person, this can cause you to think things like “Why am I even bothering?” etc. To say that I have helped many young people over the years is a huge understatement! A lot of them have demonstrated the type of behaviour that has felt as though they have thrown everything that I have done for them back in my face. However, for my own peace of mind, I have nothing more to do with them.
There is nothing wrong with being angry. It's what you do in your anger that matters most. Revenge brings you face to face with the worst version of you and makes you no better than the person you are planning to get back at. It even affects your health. You can go off food, become stressed etc..
Let's be real, do you have an ex that dumped you and moved on and now you find that you are often looking on his facebook/bb/twitter status' and getting all dressed so that when he sees you, he realises what he's missing and it burns him? How is that helping you? Or have you had a friend that has chat your business to other people and you're still hurting over it and considering telling people things that your friend told you about them? Will the people you plan on telling respect you or lose respect for you because they view you as being on the same level? No matter what you do, you can't turn the clock back so, for your own peace of mind, you need to move on! Take whatever lessons you can from the experience. Is it possible that you are the reason that someone else may be battling with unforgiveness?
To all the young people reading this, if you're carrying the burden of unforgiveness, get some support and get your healing now so you can avoid what so many of us adults have carried for so long. Learn from us.......... PLEASE!
Forgiveness. The healing of the heart, the cleansing of the soul. Sometimes we have to feel hurt and go through things to learn and know that it's real.
Growing up I could never grasp the concept of forgiveness. As far as I was concerned, love, respect and loyalty was over everything and was the principle / order we lived by. So the moment that's violated the person no longer had any relevance to me. Literally was as good as dead.
I spent a lot of my teenage years angry, bitter and hurt. I felt like cutting those that hurt me off was the solution to make those feelings go. But it's not, unless you've truly forgiven. I used to think forgiveness made me weak. Until I was actively trying to be a better person, had a thorough overstanding of self-love, genuine love, personal development and peace of mind.
Once I understood myself I appreciated that no one is prefect. People will do us wrong and hurt us. It's inevitable. It's just a matter of learning and being wiser next time.
The inability to forgive invites room in your life for negative thoughts and feelings ( anger, bitterness, grudge-fullness, resentment, jealousy) which does nothing but add poison to your life; disturbing your peace of mind and happiness.
If there's one thing that I've learnt, it’s that I don’t forgive every single person that's hurt me or done me wrong for their sake, their conscience or sanity. But for my own, my peace of mind. You can't be available for all the goodness this world has to offer if you're harbouring negative feelings from the past. It doesn't work. You can only carry so much.
Carrying negativity is a lot heavier than carrying positivity. No one is saying be an idiot and actively let people deal with you wrongly. But just don't let the negative feelings associated with not forgiving consume you. Because it'll be to your detriment. Communicate, be real to your heart and your feelings. Put your peace of mind first and keep it hella moving.
We live and learn, learn to live- forgive yourself for that and forgive everyone that didn't and doesn't deal with you accordingly.
Forgiveness isn't something that you do for other people. It's something that you do for yourself!
Take a minute and reflect.
How much of your time have you spent thinking about the wrongs
that have been done to you and do those thoughts make you feel good or bad?
There was a time when me and my best friend fell out over money that she owed me.
When I lent her the money it was fine, but getting it back was a big problem. She wasn't picking up my calls, she told me all sorts of different stories. I finally got the money and that was it. We
stopped chatting to each other, but on Sundays 2nd anniversary, she sent me a message saying that she was sorry and will never let anything stupid come between our friendship again. I was really
happy to hear from her. Life is too short to be making enemies or keeping a grudge with someone, so I forgave her and we are still as close as anything.
~ Blessing, Director of The Sunday essiett Company
Forgiveness doesn’t mean reconciliation
This video means a lot to me because a few years ago, I encouraged a young man in prison to meet with the mother of the young man he had murdered. Just like the mother in this video, she also forgave him!
1 Corinthians 13:4 - 6 NIV
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
Remember these facts…
Forgiveness doesn't mean you are pardoning or excusing the other person's actions.
Forgiveness doesn't mean you need to tell the person that he or she is forgiven.
Forgiveness doesn't mean you shouldn't have any more feelings about the situation.
Forgiveness doesn't mean there is nothing further to work out in the relationship or that everything is okay now.
Forgiveness doesn't mean you should forget the incident ever happened.
This week I encourage you to really think about the thoughts that this subject has raised for you and do whatever you need to do in order to forgive others and move on.
If you are holding onto hurt from an ex, you need to release that person because you are only restricting yourself from growing.
If you have experienced abuse of any form and are struggling to move forward, please seek professional help to rebuild your life.
If you have felt rejected by a parent, please do not blame yourself - maybe they did not know any better.
Have a blessed and productive week!
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